maybe an apology is in order at this point.

To Laura.

It just hit me, hard, this sudden thought.
What Emma has done to me.
I did to her.
Last year.
With the same guy.

and, if it wasn't 12:40am I'd ring her and appologize over and over.

Why didn't you completely crack it at me Laura!!!
why do you still know me??

i, i am really sorry for everything.

And, i know i now i have no right and had no right to be bothered by it at all.
because I'm a hypocrite.

and i never realised or even gave thought to what it might be doing to her.
and i know she's probably over and forgotten it, but thats not the point, however late i am, she deserves an apology.

oh fuck. mayjor big FUCK

So heres the thing right,

I don't give a fuck about what others think of me anymore :)
i don't care i make you want to vomit.

I'll say what i want when i want and up yours if you don't like it k?

ALSO!

Ozzy touring next year. im so going.

Man this year has been the most FUCKED up year of my life.
and im loving every second of it :)
i can't wait for next year now...
its gonna be much more hectic and more fun involved

and a band!
are hot metal band.
and im gonna be a keyboardist.

:D

stupid males.

RAHHHH

if i could forget the pain Amanda caused me for more then 5 seconds when i get attracted to a chic i'd definitely turn full fledged lesbian.

:(

that and no girl could ever compare to Amanda and her ways...
*sigh*

should i keep trying???
i mean he's either ignoring the fact that i like him
or he just hasn't noticed.
either way is shit.

but i live for hope. that something will happen.

and no matter how hopeless this whole situation is, il keep trying.. well not trying, im not gonna say or do anything about it..
im just going to keep hope...

and then comes all that whole "im not good enough, too small, too young..bs."
yeah,,

i dunno . whatvs

maybe some hot, nice, manly guy will come along and make me forget. everything.

i sure hope so.

theres that hope again.

:|

mannn some kids are hell creepy on VF!!

i was chattin' to some randomly just for fun, like one kid was "uber goth" ??

watevs
he was o.k to begin with and then he was all. "you're gorjess lets have phone sex."
and i was like... no.
and i said something horrible and he blocked me ;)

and i was telling Alanna how he called me gorjess and shes like "I GET IT GOR-JESS!"

and i gave her this face:: :|

LOL now she keeps callin' me gor-jess.

LOLOLOLOL

---------------------------------------------
Meanwhile. my crush ain't getting any easier to forget.
especially when  i get jelous of him. :|
and... i dunno fuckup

and im not even going to type what i really  want ..

:|

but ahh well.
excercise is goin' hell well aye ^^

catchya on the flipside

i hate boys.

I hate how they let me down.

and i hate hope.
cos i constantly live hope.
why? cos i cant be sure they will come over even though they say they will
i cant be sure the party is happening even though they say they're going
i cant be sure im even invited though they say i am
and i cant even be sure they're my friends at all.
Though none of them ever said anything to make me think they are.
AND i hate being me.
i want to be laura. people will go visit her just because they havent seen her in 2 days.
they talk and think about her quite regularly.
they've all liked at one point.
and they all genuinely care about her.
she has all the proof in the world. but wheres mine??